Wednesday, 03 November 2010

  • going on a date..dating..bf/gf..in a relationship

    If you go on a date with someone, would you say that you're "dating" them?  Or is it just that one date to see how it goes and that's it?  If you say you're "dating" someone, does that mean you're bf/gf or you're only "dating" but no official?  I'm confused!  Tell me what your thoughts are on the "process" to getting into a relationship.

    I imagine myself being friends with a guy first..I find I enjoy his company, and he seems to enjoy mine, we hang out more (possibly considered dating, but is still in the "hanging out" phase) At some point the matter is brought up and it's officialized..we're bf/gf and happy! ...is this not realistic?

    I think I'm doing something wrong.  I must be breaking some unwritten rule or something, for real.  I need a dating doctor, lol.  There have been candidate guys, but somehow I do something wrong and it turns them away.  There would be guys I think that give me signs they're interested, but they never clear out SAY it!  I'm afraid to do any actions myself without any verification, so i either act like nothing is happening or i ask what's going on.  And either of my tactics have scared all the guys away!...they all were and still are good friends of mine.  And I've never brought the subject up to them as I am to you guys.

    ex. 1 - i asked via aim if he liked me.  long pauses and basically dodged the question.  during all the ignoring i got fed up with him and i think for some time we didn't talk to each other.  we didn't avoid each other, we just didn't make an effort to hang out like we use to.

    ex 2 - i think the guys friends were trying to help their friend out and were kind of teasing me and making him look good.  it made me uncomfortable considering the the guy and i never cleared the air of what was going on between us, and everyone else around us was acting like there was.  (i'm not denying there was, but i needed that verbal establishment)  and when the friends were saying things like he's a good guy to bring to the parents i couldn't bare the awkwardness anymore and said that we weren't together (just to get them to stop saying things like that around me..i dunno it was stupid).  and after that...i guess he got over me.

    i suck.

  • innocent intimacy?

    SO!..a story! haha.

    I had a guy friend come over one night to watch a scary movie with me Halloween night.  We were watching it on my laptop in my bed and at some point his hands crept up to mine.  I could tell he was working his way up trying to break the "touch barrier."  I honestly didn't mind, but I was worried what his thoughts were.  After awhile, I decided I should be clear and asked if we were just friends.  (And just to point out, we were never close friends.  We just recently reacquainted ourselves in college because we went to high school together.)  Anyway, he pulled back and apologized and I told him I don't mind and I just didn't want to lead him on.  I can't really don't see us getting serious, so I didn't want to take the blame for "leading him on."  I told him how I felt, and he explained that he just wanted to hold my hand, etc. (lol, so I was just thinking fine, not like I didn't warn you.)  He spent the night and we cuddled, spooned, and flirted.  What can I say?  I'm a lonely person and I enjoyed the company. 

    He was always the initiator of things because I wasn't really comfortable actively touching him.  At some point he asked me to rub his back, so I teased him and said he was a big baby (bc he kept asking me to rub his back whenever I stopped).  Anyway, as the night went on and after the flirting and his egging on, and back massages I didn't mind actively being more touchy-feely towards him.  I think it was around 8am, we still haven't fallen asleep when I went to the bathroom and came back and he wasn't as responsive anymore.  He had his back to me and I guess he was trying to seriously fall asleep, but couldn't.  So I just took from cue to do the same, and tried my best not to touch him which was difficult bc we were sharing a twin-sized bed.  I thought I sensed tension since it was a drastic change being so cold as opposed to when he was all snuggly earlier.  I figured he just wanted space to sleep so I let him be.  All a sudden he lets out a breath of frustration and says he's going home.  It was around 9am, and he just grabbed his things, didn't really look at me and headed out the door.

    I'm thinking either he's frustrated he didn't get what he really wanted that night, or he's seriously a grumpy person when he's tired sleepy and can't sleep.  What do you guys think? lol

    Normally, I would probably be upset if it was a guy I was seriously into (and i would have been more actively responsive, lol) but at this point I'm not.  The way I see it is I got free massages and some nice cuddling ^_^  Anyway, I texted him the next day to see what was up and he said he was just tired and not feeling good.  Maybe so, I dunno.  If he's really just a dog wanting sex, then ha I could care less that he's upset he 'wasted a night'.  But if he's upset bc he wanted us to be more then friends....he should of said something.  Nothing I can do if he doesn't vocalize his feelings.

Sunday, 03 October 2010

  • "good time" at the clubs/bars = sexy time?

    i like to go out to bars/clubs every now and then to have a good time. i like to dress sexy and not gonna lie, i like to get guys' attention. but i'm picky about the attention i get. i like to feel desired, but if i feel i'm being objectified then no. some of you may say i'm being hypocrital? i dunno. i can have a good time with my friends but if i can hit it off with some guy..it's def the cherry on top.

    i have a shy personality, but it's a bit subtle. ie. there's a group of attractive guys to the left and then a group of less attractive guys to the right, i will most likely walk nearer to the less attractive guys just bc i'd feel more secure bc i'm not interested in them. or i have a difficult time making eye contact (useful for flirting!) with someone i'm interested in than someone i'm not. i know i've lost a lot of guys bc of this weird idiosyncrasy of mine..lol, i'm working on it.

    and i'm not exactly looking for a bf either bc lets face it, it's a club/bar where everyone just wants to have some fun. but i'm definitely not a girl to put out, haha. you can try, but you won't get there ;)

    grind "dancing" is a big part of the scene and i'm not against it nor am i for it. i've done it before, enjoyed myself and had fun..but sometimes i felt disgusted with myself afterwards. it's almost like having sex with someone with clothes on...which can get pretty hot if done right, but then kind of skanky at the same time! ..is it any less skanky if everyone's doing it? lol..i guess i'm having personal moral issues.

    what is grinding insinuating for everyone in your opinion? am i thinking into it too much and taking it too seriously or is it just something hoes do? ..i don't wanna be a hoe!

    ladies and gents: what are your expectations when you go out?..and motives? define your "good time"

  • So, i think i got my first flat out rejection

    there's this guy that's in a couple of my classes (college) and in one of them we take turns giving each other rides because it's a pretty far distance to walk. we're always talking during the car rides and i thought he was a pretty cool guy. i never hung out with him outside of classes and on friday night i decided to txt him "hey what are you doing tonight?" immediately after i txted him i remembered him saying he was leaving town. i dunno if he'd be back later that night or if he was planning on not coming back for the whole weekend, but either way i thought he would at least respond with SOMETHING. until now, he's never responded. sad face.

    he is from a small town so after talking with my friend, she was saying it's possible that he just didn't get the txt. i agree that it IS possible...but i'm thinking it's unlikely. lol, my friend was just trying to be the nice friend...if you've all seen "he's just not into you" haha, you know what i mean!

    boo. that was like the first time i ever went out on a limb, however remote haha. i also purposely txted him in a way i thought that could be an innocent question of hanging out. actually, that's pretty much the angle i was getting at. i wasn't exactly asking him out on a date! ..right? lol

    do you think that it can be seen as that way or was i just overtly obvious? lol, i've never done this before!!

    as far when i see him again, i'm just going to act like i never sent the txt. hopefully he won't act any different =/

Sunday, 07 March 2010

  • why do i look forward to coming home?

    Every single time I come home it's back to a fucking shit hole.  And it's soo frustrating bc it's absolute anarchy.  I spend so much time fixing up things that everyone somehow contributed to the filth, yet I'm the only one actually putting in the heart, time, and sweat.  I've tried to fix things, set an order for everyone to follow, but as soon as I'm gone everyone drops one thing after another (household chores) until eventually nobody takes care of anything and they lose the will to bc nobody else is caring and the place looks like shit.  And it's not just household chores but simplistic things you would think any civil human being would be capable of doing.

    And I'm not being a whiny little bitch about lknit picky things..you all would be totally disgusted if you saw my home in the state that it was when I arrived home.  It's filthy disgusting.  Food crumbs, spilled sauce, and grease on the dinner table forming a layer from how many days...weeks?  Don't even get me started in the kitchen, much worse than the dinner table considering that's where all the "magic" happens.  And the bathroom...of course if they can't clean up after themselves from a meal who would expect to see the bathroom cleaned?  Rings, everywhere...toilet, sink, bathtub.  Fucking sick.

    I have my own apartment to take care of, and yet when I come home to my family this is what I'm faced.  And when my dad saw me first thing next morning from my arrival, the first thing out of his mouth is "what happen the the phone line?"  I replied back with "I dunno what did you guys do?"  "It was working fine until you came home" ...I was SOO fucking pissed.  I was the one that set up the phone line with our internet and set up a phone in every fucking room during the summer bc everyone in the house is so goddamn lazy to get off their asses to pickup the phone when there's a call.  REALLY?  Insinuating that my coming home had something to do with the phone line fucking up...I almost spat back that I would gladly leave so that he can get his phone line working again.  The fucking asshole. 

    I don't know what the fuck they've been doing or what is wrong with the telephone company, but the line has been working on and off even before I came home.  I don't understand why my dad has to act like an asshole to communicate.  Growing up, my parents didn't have much of a bonding relationship with their children.  Us kids just did our thing and the parents did theirs.  They went to work, supported the fam, and prepared meals for the kids.  Kids are expected to do well in school and take care of the house.  Since I was the oldest daughter, I was groomed to be all domesticated at an early age.  I was expected to do all the house chores, cooking and cleaning.  But of course, I was a young child in the US..I rebelled.  Why the fuck was I the only child out of all my friends that had so many responsibilities?  My friends got allowances for doing next to nothing when I was doing practically everything and got nothing.  And it's not a matter of money bc I honestly don't care.  It was the fact that I got virtually no recognition.  I felt like I was treated as a house maid, I was expected to do all these things and never got a thank you in return.  But lo and behold if I shirked on something I got shit for it.

    As any normal child, I wanted to go out with friends, socialize, go to birthday parties, hold birthday parties.. but my parents would always disapprove.  My father usually replied with "stay at home, learn to cook and clean, study, and do well in school."  My mother didn't approve of my going out more of paranoia.  She would warn me to stay away from any male relatives of my friends (brothers, father, etc) out of fear for rape or some sorts bc of what she's seen on tv shows, and news like 20/20 and dateline..sleepovers were out of the question.

    ...well I think I've rambled on about a part of my life for long enough.  I needed to empty myself of some things I've bottled up my whole life...I feel slightly relieved, and ready to continue with chores needing to be done...

    I'll probably let you all in on more insight into my life when I need to spill some.  I rather not share things when I'm in an content mood, bc it just upsets me.  However, I find it relieving to share when I'm near the brink to burst.

    But seriously, calling all Asian-American ladies...did you grow up to some nature of the like?  I've had several Asian friends and none of them seem to have experiences that compare.  They're experiences seemed very "Americanized"  ...I'm really thinking that my family is just fucked and retarded in communication.  More into the psyche of my parents and their personalities and how life growing up around them was like in the future..